A ScreamFree Middle East (Part Ii)

Law And Order - A ScreamFree Middle East (Part Ii)

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Last week we examined how reactive dependence turns us all upside down. By seeing at the U.S.'s "addictive" dependence on Middle East oil, we learn about our own faulty dependence on our kids. What is comes down to is this: no one respects or likes to listen to needy people. Think about it. You may have compassion upon a needy person, you may pity a needy person, but you don't respect person who is emotionally needy. You resent them. And that is what our kids feel toward us whenever we need them to contribute our emotional "needs." And that's when we lose our authority with them--we lose it in their eyes.

What I said. It just isn't in conclusion that the real about Law And Order . You read this article for facts about anyone need to know is Law And Order .

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This week our lessons from (and for) the Middle East continue. This week we learn that reactive reciprocity leaves us all dead. Now, reciprocity is a big word with a lot of syllables, but it just means "returning the favor," or "right back atcha;" or "I'm going to do to you what you just did to me." And it is purely reactive. Reciprocity is an approximately automatic process of reacting to what was just done to you. It is a knee-jerk reflex.

Let's look at the current turmoil surrounding the now infamous Mohammed cartoons originally published in a Danish newspaper back in September of last year. As of this writing, 11 have died in Afghanistan, two Danish embassies have been torched, and vaporing demonstrations are persisting in countries nearby the world. There are greatest positions surrounding the issue, from those applauding the newspapers for running the cartoons and sending a message to the Muslim community, to all those militant Islamist protesters demanding that all Western societies obey the laws of Islam. At the risk of sounding very insensitive myself, we are talking about a series of cartoons.

But what is stunning about these protests is what is stunning about our own relationships: reactivity is everywhere. There is no pause, there is no calculation of how today's violence may lead to tomorrow's pain--there is only reaction. Which leads to a reciprocal reaction from the other party, and so on. If we're honest, this is not just a article of Middle East politics; this is a article of our own marriages (or any of our relationships). Think about it. Whenever your spouse makes a negative criticism, how able are you to hear that remark, rate it? If you're like the rest of us, something gut-level takes over. Something purely reflexive. Whenever we feel attacked, even if the strike has some truth to it, we get defensive. And we retaliate. We reciprocate the very performance we're defending ourselves against.

Soon both parties get caught up in an escalating dance, and both forget that the primary seminar had something to do with laundry, or an insensitive annotation from an in-law. Reactivity is everywhere. And as long as anyone keeps reacting to it in return, it will continue. Some European papers are now creating more "blasphemic" cartoons in order to flaunt their leisure of speech. In that same spirit, a museum in Russia is now opportunity an exhibit of the primary cartoons. So, in reaction, Iran is holding a contest in its State-run papers, calling for cartoons mocking the Holocaust. Does anyone see this keen away from violence and toward authentic debate?

Listen to Tariq Ramadan, a Swiss Muslim specialist in home at Oxford University (as quoted in Time):

"Both sides are exaggerating. While it's true that the photograph of the Prophet is strictly forbidden, Muslims have to understand that there is an old tradition in secular Western society to make fun of everything. To react emotionally is excessive. It is no longer a debate; it is a power struggle. We have to calm down. We don't want laws preventing habitancy from being free to speak. But we should also not forget wisdom and decency when we are dealing with people. Democracy isn't just a legal framework. It is about respecting one another."

Exactly.

But should habitancy do nothing in return? Should I just let my spouse walk all over me? Should Denmark just pull all of its 0 million in export company from the Arab world, letting militant reactionaries dictate their foreign economic policy? Should all Western papers refuse, out of fear, to publish critiques of any religion, for fear of violent retaliations? Should Muslims silence all their critiques of the Western World? No. By all means, No. What this calls for is the quality to be responsive, rather than reactive. One of the world's beloved words, for good reason, is the word responsibility. Whenever I ask parents in my seminars about the quality they want to see most in their kids, it's responsibility. Taken at its base meaning, it is not about "doing what you should." At its base level is one's quality to make a response. "Responsability," we could spell it. Making a response to a situation implies thought. It implies higher reasoning. It implies selecting an intentional course of performance that both represents one's self-interest and recognizes one's social impact.

Seen in this way, accountability becomes one of our highest virtues. It can mean a son saying "no" to a bully picking a fight, and yet also saying "no" to his Mom when she begins to immaturely pick a fight as well. It can mean a daughter saying "no" to the pawing hands of a boyfriend, and yet confidently confronting her Dad when it appears he's uncomfortable with her developing sexuality. It can mean a parent resisting the urge to reciprocate her child's melodramatic screaming, and yet confidently (and calmly) informing that child that she will never, ever talk to her mother that way again.
And when it comes to the world's current crisis, "responsibility" can mean this: Western newspapers keen more Arab-based columnists (and cartoonists!) to post their own views in the editorials section, and the highest ranking Arab clerics calling for an abrupt and final end to all violence in the name of Allah, period.

We all need to make a response. We all need to stay calm, cool, and linked as we scan the factors of our world, get honest about our desires for our relationships, and make a response.
So here comes mine (for today). I wrote the paragraphs below right after I saw the Steven Spielberg movie, "Munich." In the film, Spielberg brilliantly displays the tragic obscuring surrounding any and all efforts to "retaliate" against those Palestinians complicated in the murder of eleven Israeli Olympic athletes in 1972. By the end of the film, we see very clearly that no one, no matter how seemingly justified, can reciprocate another's performance (in this case, murder) without becoming the very person he's reacting against. Reactivity is everywhere. "Responsability" is needed.

Something has to be done. person has to step up. Or out. The "Middle" part of this world, where Western civilization began, is driving the rest of us. verily those of us in America. We are being driven by the explosive reactivity that defines ancient, middle-eastern tribal conflicts. And our own anxious reactivity to those conflicts, coupled with our lack of material self-restraint, has led us to where we our now. Where is this place we find ourselves? As the external focus of all the poverty-led, Islamist-fed internal Arab strife. As Thomas Friedman has put it so profoundly, the failed "modern" regimes like Egypt and Saudi Arabia have appropriate our aid and our alliance, then secretly financed the most vitriolic Islamist clerics in order to appease their disaffected, unemployed youth, who have in turn, turned to terrorism as the outlet for an whole people's pain. And rage.

From a family systems perspective, it is easy to see these young terrorists as stereotypical middle children. They achieve the role the family needs them to achieve (act out all the symptoms of the family's illness and detract attentiveness away from that real illness) and then receive the voiced disdain of their state leaders. The Arab family needs them to distract attentiveness away from the failures of leaders to design real, contemporary reform. Democratic reform that will bring the peaceful coexistence of tribal factions and the flourishing increase of its middle class. These failed efforts by the state never get addressed, however. That would take levels of fearless, integrity-driven leadership not seen in the Arab world. Instead, these failures get transmuted to the poorest, disaffected "middle" children, those who cannot afford to Visa their ways into Western schools. They instead beg their ways into the mosque-gangs, who spit out a hatred-base for Islam that plainly feeds into the self-hatred of the poor, and then redirects it toward the flourishing infidels.

And there's no pause. There's rarely ever a pause. Bono tells a story of a female would-be suicide bomber who turned herself in at the last moment. Her story is like that of a Us porn star. Abandoned by her father, raped repeatedly by all the males left in the family, she then gets pregnant. After needing to seek family assistance to feed the child, the child is then stripped from her grasp as a cost for debt. Alone, hurt beyond nerve, the inner rage finds its direction toward the haves of the West. And she joins a growing amount of destitute Arab women seeking their "purpose-driven life" among the architects of terror. Status, even if for a brief moment, comes her way as she settles into to her bomb-vest. Thankfully, as Bono reports, integrity came over her. She plainly could not go through with it. She somehow knew that hurting others, pure reactivity to her own pain, would never heal anyone.

That type of pause is what it means to be ScreamFree. That type of "rising above the fray" is the only way out of destructive patterns. The pause is that moment when our integrity, the alignment of our truest wishes and our actions, can verily begin to lead. But that pause is rare. That pause is rare in every human relationship, whether in the middle of Sunnis and Shiites, in the middle of Palestinians and Israelis, or in the middle of parent and child.

I hope you have new knowledge about Law And Order . Where you'll be able to put to easy use in your day-to-day life. And most importantly, your reaction is passed about Law And Order .